Day 46 Post-Op
In the spirit of full disclosure (which has been, after all, one of the purposes of this blog), I have to say that it has been a very difficult week, emotionally. I found myself in a state where just about anything would make me cry. Even though my brain was saying "be reasonable, this is not that bad," tears were leaking out and serious nose-blowing had to be done. Is it a cumulative effect of pressures I didn't even know I was feeling, or just a run-of-the-mill bout of self-pity? I don't know.
Mostly, I think it's work-related pressure. Being a self-employed craftsperson (a jeweler), this illness has taken a sledgehammer to my productivity. I am entering the time of the year when I make the vast majority of my small income, and I am far behind on creating my work. I find myself here, Friday evening, beating myself up because I haven't made a single piece this week, and then I think about my schedule and realize why:
1. I spent most of Monday driving to LA and back, because I needed to drop off some waxes for casting, and one of them was so delicate I couldn't think of a way to safely package it for shipping. Then I went to the support group in the evening.
2. I have had 4 medical appointments this week (5 if one includes the support group), all on different days. But hey, one of them wasn't cancer-related: I had my semi-annual dental cleaning. Although, because of my surgery, I had to remember to take antibiotics before and after the appointment.
3. This week's visit to Dr. Doezie for the final fill of the tissue expanders meant another lost day, because the aches & pains after a fill make me mostly useless for 24-48 hours.
4. I made a special trip to my engraver, because I needed an inscription done on a pair of custom wedding rings I'd made several months ago, and I was unwilling to let the rings out of my possession. The engraver had agreed to do it while I waited, but when I arrived I found that he had a problem with his machine, and it hadn't occurred to him to call me and tell me not to come.
5. I was called in this morning at very short notice to substitute teach a jewelry class at the Sawdust Studio Art Classes, and knowing it was important to them to NOT cancel the class, I gave up my plans to spend the morning working in my studio.
6. And a bunch of other time-sucking stuff. Such as arguing with a company that charged me twice for the same thing. Which I discovered when I was checking to see if my credit card company had sent my new card, since the current one expires this month and the replacement had not arrived. I get 42 offers a day to sign up for new credit cards, but it seems that the one I DO have failed to notice that the card was expiring, so in fact, they had not sent me a new one.
What's Next
In my current over-expanded mammary state, I am far more self-conscious of my appearance than I was immediately following the mastectomy, when I had a nearly-flat chest. And, as I've mentioned before, the tissue expanders are hard and uncomfortable. So I'm anxious to get them swapped out for the silicone implants, which everyone promises me will be soft & comfortable & not stick out like grapefruits. Medically, this could happen in a month. However, scheduling issues between Dr. Doezie & Mission Hospital delayed the surgery date to June 8th, which is the day before I'm supposed to be setting up for a show in Santa Monica. As much as I might like to, I cannot afford to withdraw from the show, so the next available date was June 15th. Which is during the most stressful and overloaded week of the year for me - the week before the Sawdust Art Festival's Preview Party. Preview Party is the private opening night, 2 days before the official opening. And the official opening means that I will be working 90 hours a week or more, without a day off, until the end of August (the show is open 10 am - 10 pm EVERY day).
That is, assuming I get into the Sawdust Art Festival this summer. To make a complicated situation simple, I'll just say that booth assignments are done on a lottery system - the luck of the draw. And my lottery number this year is horrible - the worst one I've had yet. So horrible that I am unlikely to get a space in the show unless someone agrees to let me share theirs. I've been trying for the past 3 months to find someone who will help me out, so far without success. And the constant rejection has really been hard to take. Sniff.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Keepin' On
6 Weeks Post Op
Six weeks doesn't sound like a long time, yet it seems a lifetime since my mastectomy. I'm diligently doing my physical therapy exercises, and seeing good improvements from them. Some days they are easier than others.
I attended my second support group meeting tonight - there were a few newcomers, and it reinforced what I felt the first time I went: the group is as much about helping someone else as it is about helping yourself.
Show Us Your Bra
It's time for another piece of art from the "Show Us Your Bra" calendar that Daria gave me - this one is called "Chosen 2 B Beautiful" and the artist is Anwar Robinson:
Six weeks doesn't sound like a long time, yet it seems a lifetime since my mastectomy. I'm diligently doing my physical therapy exercises, and seeing good improvements from them. Some days they are easier than others.
I attended my second support group meeting tonight - there were a few newcomers, and it reinforced what I felt the first time I went: the group is as much about helping someone else as it is about helping yourself.
Show Us Your Bra
It's time for another piece of art from the "Show Us Your Bra" calendar that Daria gave me - this one is called "Chosen 2 B Beautiful" and the artist is Anwar Robinson:
Friday, April 22, 2011
Physical Therapy
Day 39 Post-Op
Yesterday I went for my first physical therapy treatment. Fortunately, they are located not too far away, in Newport Center, which is closer than any of the other doctors I've been visiting.
I have to say they were quite gentle - they did not push me nearly as hard as I had been pushing myself during my week of do-it-yourself stretching. It seems that there is a philosophy other than "no pain, no gain"!
The problems I'm working on are:
1. chest and shoulder muscles, which feel tight because of the surgery & reconstruction process (and consequent lack of use),
2. neck pain, no doubt due to lack of normal moving & stretching these last 6 weeks, and also to the way I've had to sleep, and
3. a searing pain from my right underarm incision site down to my elbow, as a result of the sentinal node biopsy surgery. Fortunately, I only feel this when I stretch out that arm (not during normal daily activity), and it is getting better.
Other than that, I feel fine!
Yesterday I went for my first physical therapy treatment. Fortunately, they are located not too far away, in Newport Center, which is closer than any of the other doctors I've been visiting.
I have to say they were quite gentle - they did not push me nearly as hard as I had been pushing myself during my week of do-it-yourself stretching. It seems that there is a philosophy other than "no pain, no gain"!
The problems I'm working on are:
1. chest and shoulder muscles, which feel tight because of the surgery & reconstruction process (and consequent lack of use),
2. neck pain, no doubt due to lack of normal moving & stretching these last 6 weeks, and also to the way I've had to sleep, and
3. a searing pain from my right underarm incision site down to my elbow, as a result of the sentinal node biopsy surgery. Fortunately, I only feel this when I stretch out that arm (not during normal daily activity), and it is getting better.
Other than that, I feel fine!
Monday, April 18, 2011
Professional Rehab
5 Weeks Post-Op
Well, I thought I would be announcing that this was to be my first week since January without doctors appointments, but I'm not. OK, technically it is, since the appointment this week is with a physical therapist, not an MD, but let's not be pedantic. After nearly a week of do-it-yourself stretching to get my range of motion back in my arms, I decided I want professional help. Plus I'm having ongoing problems with my neck as a downstream effect of all this. I can now lay on my side for short periods of time, although it's not really comfortable - it's just a nice change from having to sleep flat on my back.
Arranging it only took 5 phone calls:
1. Called Dr. Doezie's office to get the prescription written for the physical therapy.
2. Called the PT his office recommended to see if they accept my health insurance. They didn't actually know the answer to this question, so they told me to call their medical biller.
3. Called the medical biller, so see if they accept my health insurance. They don't.
4. Called another PT, the only one within 20 miles which came up on the online provider database my insurance company has (this one is actually more convenient for me anyway), made an appointment.
5. Called Dr. D's office again to tell them where to fax the prescription order.
Well, I thought I would be announcing that this was to be my first week since January without doctors appointments, but I'm not. OK, technically it is, since the appointment this week is with a physical therapist, not an MD, but let's not be pedantic. After nearly a week of do-it-yourself stretching to get my range of motion back in my arms, I decided I want professional help. Plus I'm having ongoing problems with my neck as a downstream effect of all this. I can now lay on my side for short periods of time, although it's not really comfortable - it's just a nice change from having to sleep flat on my back.
Arranging it only took 5 phone calls:
1. Called Dr. Doezie's office to get the prescription written for the physical therapy.
2. Called the PT his office recommended to see if they accept my health insurance. They didn't actually know the answer to this question, so they told me to call their medical biller.
3. Called the medical biller, so see if they accept my health insurance. They don't.
4. Called another PT, the only one within 20 miles which came up on the online provider database my insurance company has (this one is actually more convenient for me anyway), made an appointment.
5. Called Dr. D's office again to tell them where to fax the prescription order.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Rehab
Day 31 Post-Op
At my appointment this past Tuesday, Dr. Doezie declared that my movements were now "unrestricted". All very well in theory, but not in reality. Now that I have permission to lift my arms above 90° again, and to start working out, I've discovered that I can't. Well, I can, but in a very limited way. It's a little hard for me to accept that simply lifting my arms straight up over my head is an achievement I have to work at, but that's about where I'm at.
At my appointment this past Tuesday, Dr. Doezie declared that my movements were now "unrestricted". All very well in theory, but not in reality. Now that I have permission to lift my arms above 90° again, and to start working out, I've discovered that I can't. Well, I can, but in a very limited way. It's a little hard for me to accept that simply lifting my arms straight up over my head is an achievement I have to work at, but that's about where I'm at.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Second Fill-up
Day 29 Post Op
It's been just over 4 weeks since the surgery. I had another appointment with Dr. Doezie today, for the second top-up of the tissue expanders. As I've said before, the tissue expanders are hard and lumpy & bumpy, so it's difficult for me to imagine what I will look like with silicone implants of equivalent volume, so we spent some time discussing that. Currently, I'm thinking that the right size for me is somewhere between where I was after the first top-up and where I am now, after the second one. This means that I will have one more step in the expansion, because Dr. Doezie over-expands by 100cc during the stretching process, to make sure there is enough space for the implant even if the muscles contract a bit after the final surgery.
Today's procedure has cause a significant amount of pain - much more than the first top-up, so I had to take some of my pain meds and spend most of the day resting.
Give and Take
Yesterday evening I went to the support group at the Women's Wellness Center, having managed to turn up on the correct evening this time! Of course it takes time to get used to any new group dynamic, but what struck me most was that the women turn up as much to offer support to others as they do to take it for themselves. That was certainly my motivation - I had some questions about reconstruction, but I was also there to share what I've learned.
It's been just over 4 weeks since the surgery. I had another appointment with Dr. Doezie today, for the second top-up of the tissue expanders. As I've said before, the tissue expanders are hard and lumpy & bumpy, so it's difficult for me to imagine what I will look like with silicone implants of equivalent volume, so we spent some time discussing that. Currently, I'm thinking that the right size for me is somewhere between where I was after the first top-up and where I am now, after the second one. This means that I will have one more step in the expansion, because Dr. Doezie over-expands by 100cc during the stretching process, to make sure there is enough space for the implant even if the muscles contract a bit after the final surgery.
Today's procedure has cause a significant amount of pain - much more than the first top-up, so I had to take some of my pain meds and spend most of the day resting.
Give and Take
Yesterday evening I went to the support group at the Women's Wellness Center, having managed to turn up on the correct evening this time! Of course it takes time to get used to any new group dynamic, but what struck me most was that the women turn up as much to offer support to others as they do to take it for themselves. That was certainly my motivation - I had some questions about reconstruction, but I was also there to share what I've learned.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Oncologist Consultation
Day 22 Post-Op
I had my oncology follow-up with Dr. Howard Cheng today. It was short & sweet - he confirmed that I don't need any further treatment. As I expected, because the hormone receptor tests were negative, no adjuvent therapy (such as tamoxifen) is called for.
But here's a surprise: I still have to do breast exams. What, one wonders, is left to examine? It seems that a thin layer of breast tissue is still left under the skin, even after a mastectomy. So he won't say that my chances of ever having breast cancer again are zero, but they are very, very, very, very, very, very, very (you get the idea) remote. So although mammograms will no longer be a part of my life, self-checks and an annual physician exam will be. Easy enough.
Being Thankful, Part 6
I am grateful every day that this was caught so early - that from the beginning everyone assured me that I would be fine. And that, consequently, my treatment does not require chemotherapy. So I am thankful, thankful, thankful for the early diagnosis.
I had my oncology follow-up with Dr. Howard Cheng today. It was short & sweet - he confirmed that I don't need any further treatment. As I expected, because the hormone receptor tests were negative, no adjuvent therapy (such as tamoxifen) is called for.
But here's a surprise: I still have to do breast exams. What, one wonders, is left to examine? It seems that a thin layer of breast tissue is still left under the skin, even after a mastectomy. So he won't say that my chances of ever having breast cancer again are zero, but they are very, very, very, very, very, very, very (you get the idea) remote. So although mammograms will no longer be a part of my life, self-checks and an annual physician exam will be. Easy enough.
Being Thankful, Part 6
I am grateful every day that this was caught so early - that from the beginning everyone assured me that I would be fine. And that, consequently, my treatment does not require chemotherapy. So I am thankful, thankful, thankful for the early diagnosis.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Almost Normal
Day 19 Post-Op
Our Saturday morning ritual is back to normal - after coffee & croissants on the bench at Diver's Cove, Pete and I went our separate ways for walking. I'm almost back to my usual pace. The exercise does cause my chest muscles to spasm, but when I mentioned this to Dr. Doezie at this week's visit, he didn't seem to think it was any cause for concern - he gave me the OK to go ahead with the walking & hiking.
I'm still quite restricted on what I can do with my arms, though - he says no lifting them above 90° for 4 weeks. At least I can now pick up slightly heavier objects. When I left the hospital I was instructed to not even lift a gallon of milk, but I can do that and a little more now.
Being Thankful, Part 5
I am normally resistant to new technology until the universe proves to me that said technology will, in fact, make my life easier and not just frustrate me with its glitches and deficiencies. But Mom & Mike generously sent me a Kindle as a get-well gift, and I love it. Not unreservedly, it does have some disadvantages over paper and ink books, but its light weight and the built-in booklight in the cover make reading in bed much more practical and comfortable, and I don't have to find creative ways to prop it open when I read at the dining table (as I have to with books).
So for this, and for the other friends & family who have helped to keep me entertained while I am recovering by giving me books, loaning me DVDs and sending me Amazon gift certificates (which I have used to load up the Kindle), I am thankful.
Our Saturday morning ritual is back to normal - after coffee & croissants on the bench at Diver's Cove, Pete and I went our separate ways for walking. I'm almost back to my usual pace. The exercise does cause my chest muscles to spasm, but when I mentioned this to Dr. Doezie at this week's visit, he didn't seem to think it was any cause for concern - he gave me the OK to go ahead with the walking & hiking.
I'm still quite restricted on what I can do with my arms, though - he says no lifting them above 90° for 4 weeks. At least I can now pick up slightly heavier objects. When I left the hospital I was instructed to not even lift a gallon of milk, but I can do that and a little more now.
Being Thankful, Part 5
I am normally resistant to new technology until the universe proves to me that said technology will, in fact, make my life easier and not just frustrate me with its glitches and deficiencies. But Mom & Mike generously sent me a Kindle as a get-well gift, and I love it. Not unreservedly, it does have some disadvantages over paper and ink books, but its light weight and the built-in booklight in the cover make reading in bed much more practical and comfortable, and I don't have to find creative ways to prop it open when I read at the dining table (as I have to with books).
So for this, and for the other friends & family who have helped to keep me entertained while I am recovering by giving me books, loaning me DVDs and sending me Amazon gift certificates (which I have used to load up the Kindle), I am thankful.
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