Day 46 Post-Op
In the spirit of full disclosure (which has been, after all, one of the purposes of this blog), I have to say that it has been a very difficult week, emotionally. I found myself in a state where just about anything would make me cry. Even though my brain was saying "be reasonable, this is not that bad," tears were leaking out and serious nose-blowing had to be done. Is it a cumulative effect of pressures I didn't even know I was feeling, or just a run-of-the-mill bout of self-pity? I don't know.
Mostly, I think it's work-related pressure. Being a self-employed craftsperson (a jeweler), this illness has taken a sledgehammer to my productivity. I am entering the time of the year when I make the vast majority of my small income, and I am far behind on creating my work. I find myself here, Friday evening, beating myself up because I haven't made a single piece this week, and then I think about my schedule and realize why:
1. I spent most of Monday driving to LA and back, because I needed to drop off some waxes for casting, and one of them was so delicate I couldn't think of a way to safely package it for shipping. Then I went to the support group in the evening.
2. I have had 4 medical appointments this week (5 if one includes the support group), all on different days. But hey, one of them wasn't cancer-related: I had my semi-annual dental cleaning. Although, because of my surgery, I had to remember to take antibiotics before and after the appointment.
3. This week's visit to Dr. Doezie for the final fill of the tissue expanders meant another lost day, because the aches & pains after a fill make me mostly useless for 24-48 hours.
4. I made a special trip to my engraver, because I needed an inscription done on a pair of custom wedding rings I'd made several months ago, and I was unwilling to let the rings out of my possession. The engraver had agreed to do it while I waited, but when I arrived I found that he had a problem with his machine, and it hadn't occurred to him to call me and tell me not to come.
5. I was called in this morning at very short notice to substitute teach a jewelry class at the Sawdust Studio Art Classes, and knowing it was important to them to NOT cancel the class, I gave up my plans to spend the morning working in my studio.
6. And a bunch of other time-sucking stuff. Such as arguing with a company that charged me twice for the same thing. Which I discovered when I was checking to see if my credit card company had sent my new card, since the current one expires this month and the replacement had not arrived. I get 42 offers a day to sign up for new credit cards, but it seems that the one I DO have failed to notice that the card was expiring, so in fact, they had not sent me a new one.
What's Next
In my current over-expanded mammary state, I am far more self-conscious of my appearance than I was immediately following the mastectomy, when I had a nearly-flat chest. And, as I've mentioned before, the tissue expanders are hard and uncomfortable. So I'm anxious to get them swapped out for the silicone implants, which everyone promises me will be soft & comfortable & not stick out like grapefruits. Medically, this could happen in a month. However, scheduling issues between Dr. Doezie & Mission Hospital delayed the surgery date to June 8th, which is the day before I'm supposed to be setting up for a show in Santa Monica. As much as I might like to, I cannot afford to withdraw from the show, so the next available date was June 15th. Which is during the most stressful and overloaded week of the year for me - the week before the Sawdust Art Festival's Preview Party. Preview Party is the private opening night, 2 days before the official opening. And the official opening means that I will be working 90 hours a week or more, without a day off, until the end of August (the show is open 10 am - 10 pm EVERY day).
That is, assuming I get into the Sawdust Art Festival this summer. To make a complicated situation simple, I'll just say that booth assignments are done on a lottery system - the luck of the draw. And my lottery number this year is horrible - the worst one I've had yet. So horrible that I am unlikely to get a space in the show unless someone agrees to let me share theirs. I've been trying for the past 3 months to find someone who will help me out, so far without success. And the constant rejection has really been hard to take. Sniff.
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